Loving
Your Wife
When I was doing my undergrad work at Liberty University, part of
the required reading for one of the marriage and family courses was the popular
book, Love
and Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It’s a wonderful book and I
wholeheartedly recommend it. Dr. Eggerichs uses the basic, yet profound,
principles found the Bible to show how a man should love his wife. In the fifth chapter of Ephesians
we read how a man should “love his wife as Christ loved the church,” and a women
“shall respect” her husband. Yet, I believe love and respect are very similar
and husbands and wives need both. If you have read Gary Chapman’s, The
Five Love Languages, you know people have several ways of giving and receiving
love. However, the following list will help husbands love their wives in a deeper
way regardless of their love language.
1. Focus on the prize!
Regardless of how you see your wife, she should be your prized possession.
No, I’m not saying your wife is your property, but she must be the most
valuable thing in your life. You must have eyes only for her and not get a
crook in your neck taking a “double take” at a pretty girl passing by. A man loves
his wife by never comparing her to an airbrushed supermodel or another beautiful
woman. Men, you make your wife feel safe, adored and loved when your eyes are
“monogamous.” Remember, your eyes are the gateway to your heart.
2. Engage in meaningful conversation
Meaningful, intimate communication is extremely difficult for most
husbands. Yet, if a man can understand the typical wife’s need for
communication may very well be as a powerful as his need need for sex, they may
put forth greater effort. However, communication is far more than one person
doing a bunch of talking. In his book, Good
Leaders Ask Great Questions, John Maxwell describes how our deepest
desire is to be truly known by someone else. The way you get to know your wife
is to ask questions and then actively
listen. He goes on to say, “Communication is the language of leadership.” I
say it’s the language of a solid, loving marriage. Men, you show love to your
wife when you turn off the phone, turn of the TV, and engage in meaningful, transparent,
and truthful conversation.
3. Support and encourage her
When you have engaged in meaningful conversation you should be able
to pick up on your wife’s goals and dreams. Although you may have dreams of
your own, a husband will show love to his wife by making her dreams his
priority. The “agape” type of love described in the Bible is putting other’s
needs before your own. Men, when encourage your wife you become her biggest
cheerleader, biggest fan. You stimulate growth and inspire her with courage;
helping her to reach for her dreams regardless of her fear. A key role of a
husband is to place his wife in such a position so that she may achieve her
God-given potential.
4. Provision
For most men, their profession is a major part of their self-image.
Good, bad, or in different, when a husband works hard to provide for his wife
it communicates love. Jimmy Evans, with Marriage Today, states statistics
show a women’s number one desire in marriage is to feel safe and secure. When a
husband works hard, it communicates safety and security to his wife because she
knows he’s doing all he can to provide for her. In contrast, a lazy husband communicates
a totally opposite message.
5. Help her at home
I get it. Each household is different, and sometimes both spouse
work full-time jobs. You are tired. She is tired. Yet, when a husband willing
performs duties around the house that may have traditionally been left up to
the wife, it communicates love. Gary Chapman calls this love language, “acts of
service.” In homes where the wife manages the domestic duties, the husband
should still be willing to jump in and help. Doing the dishes or folding
laundry is a simple way to add value and show love to your wife. There may be a
little reward in your future if you follow this practice.
6. Make time with your wife a priority
Men, we have our priorities. But if we are to keep our eye on the
prize, we must make our wives our number one priority. You career should line
up number three behind your relationship with Christ, followed by your wife and
family. A husband shows value in his wife and marriage when he makes her a
consistent priority on his calendar. Men, don’t give your wife your left-overs.
Give her the very best of yourself.
7. Continuously pursues her
If you have been married for any length of time, you have probably
forgotten the amount of energy you invested in winning your prize. Men are
natural hunters and most guys are great at pursuing something desired. Sadly,
when the desired object, in this case your wife, is obtained, we tend to get
lazy. Men, you must develop a consistent
and steady way of chasing after your bride. Pursuit equals passion, and when
you passionately pursue your bride you communicate your love for her.
8. Never give up!
The Jimmy V Foundation has
coin the phrase, “Never give up, never-ever give up.” Although the foundation’s
focus is on cancer research and finding a cure, the phrase, “Never give up,”
must apply to your feelings toward your wife. A husband shows love to his wife
by believing in her, even when she struggles to believe in herself. Never give
up on your wife. Bring out the best in her by build her up through your words,
your actions and your respect. Let her know that your promise to her and your
love for her is unconditional and unyielding. That will give her the confidence
to take on the world knowing you are always there for her.
